The mountain screemed 3 times today, asked me if I'd like to play.

Just got back from Portugal 

Hot , sunny , huge and the total opposite to England. 

Hangin out with great people for two weeks and enjoying a very cold beer after a long hot ride is just the best thing ever.

We even met up with Hugo and Sergio from http://rocksolidmotorcycles.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1

A great couple of guys that found time in there buisy ,getting ready for Faro, to join is for a drink. 

I love riding through the middle of Spain , nobody speaks English so every meal is a complete supprise . 

Hardly had time to scratch my ass then I'm driving to Norfolk tomorow for DIRTQUAKE 3. 

LATER ALLIGATOR

Right . I'm on the ferry an I'm gunna be away on holiday ( even from the internet. ) 

See ya when I get back . 

Then it's strait into DIRTQUAKE 

Miss Shufflebottom welcomes you to July

Say hello to Candice Shufflebottom. 

Candice sticks bricks together during the day and works hard entertaining customers in the "golden chandelier" during the evening . This is just a way for her to pay her way in becoming a professor specialising in continental motion. 

In her spare time she is building a particle accelerator in her shed. 

Go Candice

Biblical rain and monumental piss taking

Right . Are you sitting comfortably ? 

Thursday midday we all met at Richies gaff. All piss tacking and smiles took part of the richual befor we saddled up an hit the road. 

5 mins later Rich ran out of fuel. More piss tacking and a quick blast to the station and we were moving again. 

5 mins later I was crouching in another petrol satiation cleaning out Rich's carbs. 

He had only finnished building his bike and the tank wax full of crap. 

But we sorted that and set off into the murky wetness for the long ride to Dover. 

20 mins later I was sat in the side of the road waiting for the recovery truck. My bike had sheered it's bolts off of the drive pullu munching the wheel in the process. 

I told the others to carry on and I may catch them up( if I was lucky) 

But 45mins in a truck with the most talkative RAC man I've ever met and I was loosing the will to live let alone ride. 

But I got home , put the kettle on, made a brew and had replaced the whole wheel befor me tea went cold. 

It was bloody amazing how fast I found all the spacers and parts to go with my old wheel , one of the spacers I had used inside my new wheel but since it was broke , as I took it off it fell out right by my feet. Fuckin lucky as I had forgotten . I would have been searching for hours for that little fecker. Bloody old wheel still had a bearly worn tyre on it even though it was hard as a dogs head an slipyer than deer guts on a door knob. 

So rebooked my fery for 6 hours time ...ish 

Then got back on the road. 

1 hour later I stopped for fuel and realised that I had left my wallet at home when I rebooked my ferry. 

FUCK, COCK , SHIT and TWATTING KNOB CHEESE. 

I turned around rode home 1 hour each way , picked up my wallet and headed out of the setting sun. 

I was pretty certain that I would miss my boat .

But I'll be fucked if I didn't do a 6 1/2 hr journey in 4 . And make the ferry. 

What a bloody day. Left my house at 11 am and finally reached Dunkirk at 2:30 am. 

In between bits falling of my bike ,Richies  carbs filling with shit , Shane nearly crashing into an oncoming Volvo and a monumental amount of rain falling on us the rest of the trip was punctuated with the kind of shananagens that will keep me chuckling till I'm an old fart. 

Like the look on the face of the sweet , god fearing old lady, that looked after us in the hotel / pub abouve, when after much coaxing and fibbing we convinced on of our poor party to lie down on the floor whist Shane pretended to lift him . Next thing that happend was shane dropped his Trollies an sat on the poor bastards face. 

I thought the old lady was gunna have a fit but she thought it was the funniest thing she had seen. 

The red house is about 10 mins from the Nuremburg ring and is a bloody amazing place to stay . Red House on the Hill . Is the name , it's owned by Dirk and Jenny who are the coolest people , they will dry out your wet clothes and keep you topped up with beer all in the surrounds of a great place. 

I didn't ride the Nurnburg ring as my rear tyre wasn't man enough and my exhausts were held on with good luck , but 2 of our crowd did. It looked like a right laugh . 

Mr Cheese master of the Jagermeister. 

Time to rest my bones for a few days then we ride to Spain and Portugal with Mrs Oily the BIG Dutch man Alex and his girl. 

CHOCOLATE PETE

This is Pete's leg. At the end of the flat- track season last year he fell off his bike doing an enduro and fucked his leg . Lots of steel and limping later an eventually he is back on form . 

He was racing DIRTQUAKE on his RD soon , so he got a practice session in at rye house last weekend. 

This is Pete's collar bone. 

FUCK IT. 

Mend well mate. 

Capt'n s Chop

This Thursday , day after tomorow, me and a bunch of mates are riding to Belgium for the weekend . 

Reson being is it's Cap't Buggernutts's birthday. 

Cap't Buggernuts ( Richard his mum calls him) has been a good friend since the dawn of time. He decided to go for a quick ride abroad with his mates for his birthday with his mates. 

In his infininate wisdom and well known use of leaving everything till the last Minuit , he decided to build a chop and go on that . 

That pic abouve is said chop and the photo was taken 1 hr ago . 

Not only hasn't he ridden it but he hasn't even sat on it ( his stumpy little legs may not even reach the pegs , but it has an MOT  and runs like a one legged man in a swamp. 

But he is gunna make it happen. 

Fuck it we will pack lots of Gaffa tape and cable ties and I'll ride at the back an pick up all the bits that fall off. 

What could possibly go wrong? 

Pre road trip test

Next week I'm gunna be on the road . Into Belgium with my oldest and dearest fuckwitts . The very same tossers that I grew up with then  We road to Hungary . 

Then the week after me and Mrs oily will be riding around Portugal with the Bonkers Dutch . Great friends that we met in Hungary. 

But first I had to sort my bike out . I fitted a new tyre the other day then was blastin down to look at a job , an heard a horrible whineing combing from the motor , then the back wheel momentarily locked up. " bollox " I thought I've only gohn and fucked my motor. But having a quick gander showed that my belt was rubing on the casing then snagged and tore itself in half. 

So today I replaced the belt and checked that the wheel was in alignment , changed the oil and filter then took it for a quick test blast. 

It's a real shame that my test route always somehow brings me to a pub. 

Funny that. 

Seems like all theis other folk were also testing there bikes? 

But on another note Rich who has organised this ride to Belgium is trying to do it on a chop that he hasn't finnished building yet. 

Oh well he's got 3 days to sort his shit out. 

INTO THE DUST BOWL

Scunthorpe . What can I say about Scunthorpe " it's bloody miles away and there are a lot if power stations and it was a bit grey. But there was an amazing days racing there on Sun. "

Last race was at Coventry , the track was overwatered and everyone was crashing.i didn't enjoy it. 

I drove to this race and I wasn't really in the mood , the prospect of crashing and fuckin up my work and holiday plans was niggeling my brain. 

But a few beers with my mates in Scunny. And things started getting better. 

Thr track was dry and the groove was blue (dry sticky fast section , if your on it it's hard for people to overtake) . 

1st race I got a 5 th ( I think ) then 2nd and 3rd I came last . But I enjoined every race. 

The final was brilliant , I started at the back but managed to muscle my way into mid pack by the 1st corner. I was the oil in an oily rag sandwich being lent on from both sides whilst racing is a very strange but not unpleasant feeling. 

Brad tryed very hard to overtake me but ,fuck knows how I managed to stay In front ( see pik abouve , thanks to da Benchdonkees). 

I finished 7th . Wahoo . Big cheese I here you say.. But that was a result I was well happy with. 

After the race I was absolutely fucked but with the smell of burnt mud and fresh coffee in the car and Diamond Head on the stereo the adrenalin of the days racin kept me buzzin for the 6 hour drive home. 

Mmmmm

Just a couple of cool bikes I found on twitter

HOOOLIGAAAAN

Both of these rods belong to a very good bloke called Pete. 

I raced with Pete last year then at the end of the season he was racing enduro and he fell off. He made a right mess of his leg . Lots if steelwork and limping later an he is preparing to make a come back at DIRQUAKE 3 . 

He will be racing his blue YPVS  on the dirt. I have riden this bike and it's brilliant and I can't wait to see him holding on to it on the oval( NUTTER) 

Abouve is his project YPVS. And it's bloody very special . He's pleased as a pig in shit now he has it road worthy . All the girls in the convent school are already board with him wheeling past and his Mrs is very concerned that his MULLET is taking shape nicely. ( Buisines at the front, party at the back).

Bloody good work Pete the bike looks ace . I just need a photo with padock jacket , high top trainers and a Simpson Bandit. 

Sorry , bit of a cock up posting

Here's the red one.