Welcome technophobes, grease monkies, and motorheads

Welcome to a new'ish' site written by and with the imput from people who,s brains are so full of;
Technical abillity, Insane ideas, and the love of wierd and wonderfull shit, that there is no time in their over stressed brains for "CRAP" like spelling and punktuation.

Sunday, 27 July 2014

Hotrod hayride

Went to the Hayride with Brad and a few friends . I only spent Sat night there and that was in a drunken haze. 
In fact I got so pissed I threw up in a bush and went to bed early. Bloody piss head I missed all the bands and even the strusin.
But i had a moment when I was sat in a deck chair , with an ice cream checking out all the cool shit, that made it all worth the trip.








Thursday, 24 July 2014

Thieving scum

This is brads bike.
I race with Brad, have drank with him , stayed in his house , built him a workshop and generally had a great time hangin out with him. 
He is a top bloke , but some lowlife weasel scumbag shit for morals desirvers to have his hands cut off motherfucker , stole his dirttrack bike from his dad's house last night. 
The bike is preety special. RM450 newly built motor , adjustable yolks , R6 forks 19" wheels front and back . And one off graffics. If any body noes any thing please get back to me . 
Could every one also pass this around on the net. 

Friday, 18 July 2014

Benchdonkeeys

For the T'shirts and support ,so far this race season . 
Go check em out for inspiration and general fucking about in sheds. 
Daz has one of the best Mohawks I've seen for a while an ,with the aid of a drunken night with a set of clippers, Andy could have a Killer Mullet. 
Nice one lads

Thursday, 17 July 2014

The mountain screemed 3 times today, asked me if I'd like to play.

Just got back from Portugal 
Hot , sunny , huge and the total opposite to England. 


Hangin out with great people for two weeks and enjoying a very cold beer after a long hot ride is just the best thing ever.

We even met up with Hugo and Sergio from http://rocksolidmotorcycles.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1
A great couple of guys that found time in there buisy ,getting ready for Faro, to join is for a drink. 


I love riding through the middle of Spain , nobody speaks English so every meal is a complete supprise . 
Hardly had time to scratch my ass then I'm driving to Norfolk tomorow for DIRTQUAKE 3. 











Sunday, 6 July 2014

LATER ALLIGATOR

Right . I'm on the ferry an I'm gunna be away on holiday ( even from the internet. ) 
See ya when I get back . 
Then it's strait into DIRTQUAKE 

Saturday, 5 July 2014

Miss Shufflebottom welcomes you to July

Say hello to Candice Shufflebottom. 
Candice sticks bricks together during the day and works hard entertaining customers in the "golden chandelier" during the evening . This is just a way for her to pay her way in becoming a professor specialising in continental motion. 
In her spare time she is building a particle accelerator in her shed. 
Go Candice

Wednesday, 2 July 2014

Biblical rain and monumental piss taking

Right . Are you sitting comfortably ? 
Thursday midday we all met at Richies gaff. All piss tacking and smiles took part of the richual befor we saddled up an hit the road. 
5 mins later Rich ran out of fuel. More piss tacking and a quick blast to the station and we were moving again. 
5 mins later I was crouching in another petrol satiation cleaning out Rich's carbs. 
He had only finnished building his bike and the tank wax full of crap. 
But we sorted that and set off into the murky wetness for the long ride to Dover. 
20 mins later I was sat in the side of the road waiting for the recovery truck. My bike had sheered it's bolts off of the drive pullu munching the wheel in the process. 

I told the others to carry on and I may catch them up( if I was lucky) 
But 45mins in a truck with the most talkative RAC man I've ever met and I was loosing the will to live let alone ride. 
But I got home , put the kettle on, made a brew and had replaced the whole wheel befor me tea went cold. 
It was bloody amazing how fast I found all the spacers and parts to go with my old wheel , one of the spacers I had used inside my new wheel but since it was broke , as I took it off it fell out right by my feet. Fuckin lucky as I had forgotten . I would have been searching for hours for that little fecker. Bloody old wheel still had a bearly worn tyre on it even though it was hard as a dogs head an slipyer than deer guts on a door knob. 
So rebooked my fery for 6 hours time ...ish 
Then got back on the road. 
1 hour later I stopped for fuel and realised that I had left my wallet at home when I rebooked my ferry. 
FUCK, COCK , SHIT and TWATTING KNOB CHEESE. 
I turned around rode home 1 hour each way , picked up my wallet and headed out of the setting sun. 
I was pretty certain that I would miss my boat .
But I'll be fucked if I didn't do a 6 1/2 hr journey in 4 . And make the ferry. 
What a bloody day. Left my house at 11 am and finally reached Dunkirk at 2:30 am. 


In between bits falling of my bike ,Richies  carbs filling with shit , Shane nearly crashing into an oncoming Volvo and a monumental amount of rain falling on us the rest of the trip was punctuated with the kind of shananagens that will keep me chuckling till I'm an old fart. 
Like the look on the face of the sweet , god fearing old lady, that looked after us in the hotel / pub abouve, when after much coaxing and fibbing we convinced on of our poor party to lie down on the floor whist Shane pretended to lift him . Next thing that happend was shane dropped his Trollies an sat on the poor bastards face. 
I thought the old lady was gunna have a fit but she thought it was the funniest thing she had seen. 
The red house is about 10 mins from the Nuremburg ring and is a bloody amazing place to stay . Red House on the Hill . Is the name , it's owned by Dirk and Jenny who are the coolest people , they will dry out your wet clothes and keep you topped up with beer all in the surrounds of a great place. 
I didn't ride the Nurnburg ring as my rear tyre wasn't man enough and my exhausts were held on with good luck , but 2 of our crowd did. It looked like a right laugh . 


Mr Cheese master of the Jagermeister. 

Time to rest my bones for a few days then we ride to Spain and Portugal with Mrs Oily the BIG Dutch man Alex and his girl. 













Tuesday, 24 June 2014

CHOCOLATE PETE

This is Pete's leg. At the end of the flat- track season last year he fell off his bike doing an enduro and fucked his leg . Lots of steel and limping later an eventually he is back on form . 
He was racing DIRTQUAKE on his RD soon , so he got a practice session in at rye house last weekend. 
This is Pete's collar bone. 
FUCK IT. 
Mend well mate. 

Capt'n s Chop

This Thursday , day after tomorow, me and a bunch of mates are riding to Belgium for the weekend . 
Reson being is it's Cap't Buggernutts's birthday. 
Cap't Buggernuts ( Richard his mum calls him) has been a good friend since the dawn of time. He decided to go for a quick ride abroad with his mates for his birthday with his mates. 
In his infininate wisdom and well known use of leaving everything till the last Minuit , he decided to build a chop and go on that . 
That pic abouve is said chop and the photo was taken 1 hr ago . 
Not only hasn't he ridden it but he hasn't even sat on it ( his stumpy little legs may not even reach the pegs , but it has an MOT  and runs like a one legged man in a swamp. 
But he is gunna make it happen. 
Fuck it we will pack lots of Gaffa tape and cable ties and I'll ride at the back an pick up all the bits that fall off. 
What could possibly go wrong? 

Sunday, 22 June 2014

Pre road trip test

Next week I'm gunna be on the road . Into Belgium with my oldest and dearest fuckwitts . The very same tossers that I grew up with then  We road to Hungary . 


Then the week after me and Mrs oily will be riding around Portugal with the Bonkers Dutch . Great friends that we met in Hungary. 
But first I had to sort my bike out . I fitted a new tyre the other day then was blastin down to look at a job , an heard a horrible whineing combing from the motor , then the back wheel momentarily locked up. " bollox " I thought I've only gohn and fucked my motor. But having a quick gander showed that my belt was rubing on the casing then snagged and tore itself in half. 
So today I replaced the belt and checked that the wheel was in alignment , changed the oil and filter then took it for a quick test blast. 
It's a real shame that my test route always somehow brings me to a pub. 
Funny that. 

Seems like all theis other folk were also testing there bikes? 
But on another note Rich who has organised this ride to Belgium is trying to do it on a chop that he hasn't finnished building yet. 
Oh well he's got 3 days to sort his shit out.