Welcome technophobes, grease monkies, and motorheads

Welcome to a new'ish' site written by and with the imput from people who,s brains are so full of;
Technical abillity, Insane ideas, and the love of wierd and wonderfull shit, that there is no time in their over stressed brains for "CRAP" like spelling and punktuation.

Monday, 26 December 2016

And Sally buys her underwear From a store where no one goes She makesit big in photographs On the strength of what she shows

This year has been preety bloody unreal concerning how many tellented folk have died. 
Ziggy ,Waylon and now Rick Parfet being just a few . 
But nearly exactly a year ago , Dec 28 Lemmy died. 
I'm not gunna bleat on about how a star was taken from us befor his time. Because he lived a full life, a life that he absolutely wrung the last drop from. He absolutely nailed the persona of the Rock star , abusing his body with drugs and booze and touring hard right to the end. Let's face it "his time " was up years ago but sombody must have forgot to tell him. 
After all the abuse and hard partying it wasn't the booze and drugs that finished Lemmy , it was fucking Prostate Cancer. 
Thank god he didn't die on the bog after eating one too many burgers. 
He died at 70 still with all his marbles in tact and still hitting the JD. 

I have a fond yet slightly hazy memories of when I was 18 . 
My mate got his first flat, that ment it was also mine and a few other friends 1st flat. We went round there one night, of our tits on some little pieces of coloured cardboard, and sat on a piece of rolled up carpet and listened to the radio. The radio and carpet were the only furniture in the flat. 
Whilst cutting strips off of the carpet and burning them on the fire we listened to a phone-in on the radio. This is what we heard. 
Caller: Yeah I met someone famous once. 
DJ: who's that then. 
Caller: Well I was in the street and I saw Lemmy on the other side of the road . So thought , well I could not let this opportunity pass so I went over and said "Ello". 
DJ: really ? Are you sure it was Lemmy ? Lemmy From Motörhead.?
Caller . Yes . It was defiantly him . You know , rings and warts and cowboy boots . 
So anyway I chatted to him an he was right nice and asked me what I did as a job an I told him I was a milk man. 
" fuck me , you must have to get up early for that" he says.  Yeah I get up at 3am I told him. 
Well he didn't believe me . Honest he wouldn't have any of it . "No body gets up at 3am for work that's Bullshit". 
Well I wouldn't believe me so he says that he will come back to my house , crash on my sofa and see fir himself. 
DJ : so Lenmy went back to your house just to satisfy his curiosity? I don't believe that. 
Caller: yeah man . No shit . This actually happened. 
DJ: so what happened then. 
Caller: well he kipped on my sofa and when I got up at 3am he liffted his head and said "well Fuck me!" Then went back to sleep. So I went off to work and when I got back he was gone . 

I'm not sure how true the story was but I love it and I'm sure it's just the sort of thing that he would have done. 
I'm glad you made my little part of the world what it is. 
The 1st album is still an absolute killer and all recorded in one night. 

Sunday, 11 December 2016

Underneath the city, the alligators sing. Of how the fool he cannot dance, when someone cuts the strings.

After the 4th attempt I have finally made something that both looks cool and ain't as floppy as a thespians hand shake. 
They still flex a bit but they are about 6" long. 
Now to make the controls. 
I know I could have bought some forward controls already made but that would be too easy. 

Sunday, 27 November 2016

Heavens gates won't hold me I'm gunna tear them suckers down.

This weekend I decided to make my footpeg for my other foot. But I didn't love the other one that I made so I tryed a diferent idea. Although it does look quite cool it was about as stiff as spaniels ears . So I added a 12mm bar to brace. Now they are a bit stiffer . Problem is that they are so bloody long that anything but a scaffold bar would be a bit flexible . 
I need a bit of time to mull on my results. 

Sunday, 30 October 2016

They keep me locked up in this cage Can't they see it's why my brain says rage

I decided that what i needed on my chop was some forward control foot pegs. So I rang up the Harley shop and bought some....Yeah after that I shat solid gold bricks, had a stroll through Atlantis and shot some flying pigs with my boom stick. 
You should know me better than that. 
What I actually did was spend fucking hours fabricating something out of stainless steel , cutting and burning myself, running off to the shop to buy another 20L of Argon . Then realising that it may not work and may look a bit Shite. 

1st I quickly cobbled a footpeg together and went for a blast to see if it was in a happy place. It felt more natural than my mid pegs so I recon it was in the right place. 
So then I started welding a monstrosity from stainless bar. I'm actually mildly detain that it may look quite alright , on a dark night. 
After buying more welding gas I decided to try making a rear brake pedal . This was a design / method that I've never tried befor so let's just see how it turns out. 
Cut lots of wiggly bits of Stainless, drill loads of holes in one of them the weld em all together. 
Then I made up a peg and the swingy bolt Atachy thingy then my welding mask stopped masking my eyeballs from the welding. So I had to balance it all in place for the photo at the start . 
Well maybe it'll work and maybe it'll look OK. . 

Thursday, 18 August 2016

You are not what you eat. You are what you build.

Born out of swarf, made from a thousand bolts and nuts.
Fed on sweat, grease, gashed knuckles and cuts. 

Sleepless nights and weeks in the shed.
Making real the dream in your head.

Days spent, cutting, welding and grinding all in vein.
Throw it across the workshop, then start again.

Hot metal glows, imitating the sun.
Transfixed by the pool of weld about to run.

Create a sculpture, so much more than form.
Kick into life, now a purpose is bourn.

Engine pulsing, pushing oil though veins.
Throttle and leavers replace bridle and reins. 

Hot river flowing inches from your feet.
Throttle open, into the sunrise, to friends we meet. 

Body tense against the wind, eyes fixed on the curve.
Mind relaxed and mulling but ready for the swerve. 

Gas station loonies, strung out from the road.
Sausage, coffee, quick piss and another 9 euro load. 

Only one mishap, but three thousand miles cool.
The last mile is the most dangerous, stay awake, beware the 3 second rule. 

Alex's evo
The longest chop I saw in Sweden and my favourite ( another photo another time)
Old school Sat Nav . Is she board?
The lamorgini had to park next to a cooler vehicle 
Idiot magnets
Pride in the cobbles
3 lovely ladies and one grinning idiot 
The Beatles ain't got nothing on our coolness 

A real pint
The great big lake at Jonkopping
Bitching clubhouse. 

Monday, 8 August 2016

Well I was rollin' down the road in some cold blue steel, I had a bluesman in the back, and a beautician at the wheel.

After drinking Beer, whisky and Wodka an partying hard (for a man that is normally in bed at 9:00) 
We left the safe inbrace of Jonkoping and rode west to see Susan off at the Airport. 
We then rode North to Uddevalla and got soaked. 
Our plan was to ride into then down through Norway , but it appears that THE 50 YEAR storm decided to fuckup our plans. 
We were proper fucked, totally hung over and in need of no beer and sleep. 
So that's what we got
So we turned around and ran away south now in a very nice hotel , not got wet balls and feeling the warm glow from a pint of Guiness. 
My lovely wife had a 1st today. Today was the 1st time she had fallen off of s bike. 
I heard something fall from my bike so I pulled over, into some gravel , too fast , grabbed a Handfull of front brake and before I knew it she was telling me to get the bike off of her leg. Oh how we laughed afterwards....
I had an issue with my motor torque arm thing snapping so we made it good with the help of Lassa and of coarse I could not have done it without the big Dutchman looking on and yawning. 
Long bikes at the party of our friends Cheyene MC 
My lovely 

Friday, 5 August 2016

I was schooled with a strap across my back

After spending a wet evening in karlskrone were we maneged to see a sound check for a band called The Bones ( they were very cool), we woke to sunshine and the promise of a glorious ride up to Jonkoping . 

The road was quiet , nicely smooth and lined with trees bordering the occasional lake. 
Sweden is everything I imagined , it is so neurofibromas ( that was a spellcheck for beautiful ) and peaceful . 
The ride was stunning and we only got very wet for about 20 mins . But we stopped for the odd Swedish sausage ( not a youthanism) to power up with energy . 
We arrived in Jonkoping and my torque arm / engine stabiliser broke for the second time. 
But our good friends Lassa, Mia, danna cooked us great food , served us cold beer and helped me pull the broken part from my bike. Today Lassa is going to try to make me a new one whilst pretending to work. 
Be wary of the comment below, listing all the porn . I don't know him and he ain't no friend of mine so if you get curios and click on it and  get spammed then don't moan at me. 

Wednesday, 3 August 2016

You can tell there my old blue jeans from the smell of oil and gasoline

We didn't really see a lot of Denmark ( what I meet is that we didn't stop and wonder around. )
What I did see from threw the lens of my goggles was a wet green landscape, sparsely populated with the odd cool house. 
We rode across the bridge ( the one from the program " the bridge" ) it was fecking windy . 
Up to that point I wasn't enjoying myself , my bike was playing up to start with then my oil light started blinking on . I think the oil light issue is just a fucked sensor . 
The 1st thing we saw in Sweden was this Swedish chop. Maybe the tourist board sent it out just to make us feel welcome , it worked . 

Sweden is bloody lovely . 

Monday, 1 August 2016

As I ride out of the sunset on my colour TV screen.

After a buisy weekend drinking beer at the Hayride we left the M25 area west of The big Smoke and 11hrs later and a bloody epic ride we arrived at Alex's house. 
My torque arm broke (the one I made) befor we reached the hayride, but Alex's friend welded it up for me . 
We got some relaxing then it's off to Denmark tomorrow. Yeeeeaaaas

Saturday, 9 July 2016

Dream with the feathers of angels stuffed benieth your head.

Random photo awesomeness 
Above is Rich, he got this bike built just a few days befor we hit the road. His only problems were a blown fuse and burning 5 litres of oil on the trip.
Feckin great Picy took by Rich ( different Rich) 

Old time saloon on. The border of Spain 
I may have posted this pick before but I don't care cus it's ace. 
There were Spanish workers with mullets , drinking brandy at 10 in the morning befor work. 

Mr Cheeeeeeze (a good friend we met in Hungary ) was supposed to visit us this weekend but his Clutch went tits up. 

Other shit we been buisy with lately 
We just got this dog from a charity in Cypres . 
He flew in a week ago and is very cool. Meet Flash

Me and Mrs Oily got on TV 
We are the ones with beards . 
This was ZZTop at Glastonbury and they were feckin awesome . That's a lifetime wish come true seeing them. 

I've always wanted a Trans Am and I've decided I'm nearly at a point in my life were I can get one. But it's on the end of a big list . I'm slowly deciding that all the other stuff is less important. $9000 on Craig's list. Bloody bargain. 
I want one with a fuckin great Fire Bird on the bonnet though. 

Right I'm off down the shop for bog roll an beer. 

Dont tell me about the altitude, I just want another drink.

Sunday, 12 June 2016

Halusinations , good vibrations, cruising LA , home of the Brant sound.

Pampalona was a very cool or actually it was very hot. 
But the city was pretty , old and twisty with a great buzz in the early evening . We hung around Tapas bars watching the world go by , then went to the most beautiful big old building for some grub. At some point I had scorpion fish pate . I knew it would punish my arse the next day and . Yep it did. 
Fucking scorpion fish. 

Still we rode on through to Lardo (between Santander and Bilboa.) we had a swim in the sea and a mooch around town then 3 of us rode into Bilboa for some evening entertainment . 

Bilboa is a great place ,it's bloody huge and spraling but the city centre is a nice place to ride into for tapas and a spot of people watching. 
On the way out I got us a bit lost. We were low on fuel and a bloody copper decided to follow us. 
Last day we rode the coast road into Santander, ate lunch in a cafe then spent the afternoon swimin in the sea and basking in the sun. We even watched a bloke peg it into building followed by coppers . It looked like it was gunna really kick off but they couldn't find him , then I'm sure he just strolled out moments after they gave up the search . 
Sat on the ferry now being subjected to terrible Caberet . I may have to go and get a beer. 
It was a bloody great trip and reminded me how much I like Spain . 
Land of the Cowboys . 

How did the chop fare ? Better than Sarge ( bellow, he got bad guts on the last day) 
I was worried about my chop .How the bike would handle the long miles. But more importantly how my back would cope. 
After spending countless hours building something you can talk yourself into thinking it is OK. 
But it actually is. I suffer from a bad back anyway ( falling 40 ft when I was younger don't help) but I found it very comfortable and nice to ride . I was happy to sit on it all day, and still sit on it whilst parked, normally I can't wait to jump off and rub my arse. 
I let my mate have a go on it, he ragged it senceless and his little short legs made it uncomfortable  . He found it horrible. 
I think riding it puts me in a different mind set . As long as I don't try and ride it like a fast bike then it's just bloody great. I've never been happier than to just sit and cruise , it completely chills me out. 
I can't wait for the next long ride into Sweden.